To My LOVE AME AGENTS
To My LOVE AME AGENTS
This is an open letter from my heart. I want to first say THANK YOU Pastor Kris and First Lady Tonia for your care and concern. I want to also say THANK YOU to: Sister Holly, Sister Erica, Sister Angelina, Sister Valerie, Sister Love, Sister Caprina, Sister "Seasoned" Cindy, Sister Mimi, Sister Cara, Sister Millissa,
Sister Sherryce, Sister Shirley, and Sister Monica Perry and ANYONE who had inquired about me.
Your thoughtfulness and genuine concern were soft pillows of comfort during such a hard fall.
I truly do LOVE each of you for that.
I now want to apologize for being distant, unreachable, non-responsive, isolated and perhaps rude.
For three years, I've been dealing with something that has affected my peace, it affected me physically, mentally and emotionally very badly. Everytime I thought it was coming to a close, it would rear its ugly head; it has knock and shut me back down. I would try to smile thru it. I tried to be present thru it. I gave it forgiveness to get thru it. I prayed thru it. I studied thru it. I cried thru it. I fought myself thru it. I sinned thru it. I made some poor decisions and at times I questioned my faith, which shook me to my core. I felt I needed to step away from the church because I began to question being a Christian and some Christians behaviors that made me question so much that it became exhausting!
I couldn't grasp all the emotional and physical pain I was going thru and wondering "where are you GOD?"
because I knew what He had told me and it just wasn't making sense. I was just a ball of confusion about church, Christians, and the behaviors of us who know the Lord and GOD's Word.
I felt lost.
I felt sensitive to the touch and couldn't smile or hug without breaking down.
I allowed the enemy to set-up camp inside of me to entrap me in his snares.
I share this just to give some insight of where I am and working to come out from.
I pray that no-one took my isolation as something personal, it truly was not.
I've been in a season of Job, suffering and the lost of everything in addition to this emotional storm.
I began to question GOD's justice wondering why do good people suffer?
Then I would hear Galatians 6:9 - "And let us not be weary in well doing",
which kept me from surrendering or checking out.
I WILL stay in the Word everyday.
I WILL seek Him FIRST!
I miss my LOVE AME Family and feel displaced right now. I will be seeking some additional help for me to become a better me to be able to serve for GOD. I will remain in heavy prayer, continue to walk by faith and use my sight as discernment to remain in GOD's fold and to ensure the mistakes I've made with choices, finances, trust, etc. are lessons to learn from.
It is my responsibility to get tools in place to identify and rectify any future attacks and begin to weld together my suit of armor!
MY misery is NOT my ministry. It is the test for my testimony!!!
GOD the Son! GOD the Father! and GOD the Holy Spirit are too good for me to fail !!!
It took me several weeks to be able to open myself and share like this but I knew I owed an explanation to people who I have grown to care about and that have shown me genuine concern and care.
I appreciate You all for being a friend and my Church Family.
Thank You L.
(DOPE = DependingOnPrayEveryday)
Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."